Friday, June 9, 2006

happy holidays

well it's that time of year again. time to break out the pajamas and fill your undershorts with confetti. it's quite unfortunate that this holiday only comes once a week, why i wish every day could be slobberday. yes slobberday, it's the happiest day of week, well next to friday, although some people really enjoy sundays. i don't. i think sundays should be moved to thursdays and thursdays could then become wednesdays. in fact all the days of the week ought to be shuffled around every once in a while to keep people on their toes, i think thomas jefferson said that.

speaking of the jeffersons, did you ever see the one where wheezy went on a diet of mustard and ruined george's favorite tie by being so hungry and confused that she spread mustard all over it and tried to eat it. i think that was probably my favorite episode. or the one where lionel and jenny decide to stage a protest against dry cleaning solvents being used to add bulk to mustard, that was a good one. i wonder why so many episodes of the jefferson's revolved around mustard. norman lear sure had a lot of good ideas except for that one show that never made it past the pilot, why i remember it like it was just......

A pappy in the family by norman lear

pappy: hey all i'm home
big louie: hey pappy how was your day
pappy: ah geez look at this big louie asking questions again. why don't you stick to what you know best...Nothin'
big louie: hey c'mon pappy that aint fair, why i know plenty
pappy: yea like what
big louie: like i know why you aint got your lunch box with you
pappy: and whys that
big louie: cause i seen smelly ernie today at long tony's and he told me that you was down at the happy rowboat
eating your lunch when all of a sudden a mugger came up and stole your lunch box
pappy: ahh smelly ernie went and yapped on about dat dere ting like dat dis here
big louie: yea and then he said that you went after the mugger and clubbed him one over the head with a rock and killed him
pappy: well let me say this about that (crowd cheers) i aint never gonna give no mugger a hoot n holler about no gaddamn crapoo. muggers in this city are as good as a ghost on easter sunday
big louie: you mean risen from the dead and goin' off to somewheres else
pappy: no i mean hiding in chocolate eggs and giving ya gas when you try to digest them (crowd moans)
big louie: say pappy you oughtn't say things like that about muggers
pappy: why the hell not dere dis here.
big louie: cause it aint nice
pappy: ahh geez

the end

too bad cbs never picked that one up


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