Friday, June 9, 2006

day 273


it is now day 273 and HAL is really starting to piss me off. he keeps hiding my pornography dvds and replacing them with reruns of Gunsmoke, now i like Hoss, i'm really good friends with him actually but i mean come on already. i've approached him about this but all he says is "i'm detecting a fault" or "i know that you and frank were planning on disconnecting me (yak yak yak)" and there's not even anyone on board named frank. well at least i have my books, lets see here ah yes an old earth classic "the old man and the sea monster" or how about this one "warren piece" no that ones stupid. ahh I know i'll read this one "the five wandering acrobats meet john wilkes booth" let's see what it says on the back here, 'the story of how five circus members accidentally stumble through a time portal and come face to face with one of history's most notorious arch villians, abraham lincoln, and how a brave young man, john wilkes booth, courageously rids the united states of this large hatted, no moustache bearded menace'. well that certainly sounds like a fine read.
Oh HAL
yes dave
(jesus i wish he'd stop calling me dave) could you turn on the lights in sector 7
sure dave how much wattage would you like
you decide HAL, surprise me
how does 100 sound
superfluous
then it's decided
(the light turns on) ahhh now that's what i call service
(crowd cheers, curtain lowers and the emcee comes on stage)
thank you all for coming this evening, refreshments will be served on the lower deck. tonight we are featuring dehydrated spoons and a wonderful assortment of carpet fibres.
(the crowd not used to such food items becomes restless. sensing this, the emcee quickly tries to rectify the debacle)
what i mean to say is all those who have tickets for the next show can come down to the main office and fill out a form to have...(as he was speaking the words he knew he had lost his chain of thought and became confused)
to have...(he runs, off the stage and out the rear exit into the alley. there he encounters a garbage truck emptying a trash bin and decides to hijack the garbage truck)
get out of the truck motherfucker
(the driver, only three days on the job refuses to budge)
no
(the emcee becomes even more vehement)
i said out (suddenly he remembers an old shirley temple movie he saw where she is dancing and singing 'na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na' he recites this to the driver)
na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na (over and over)
(the driver now realizes all is lost and voluntarily removes himself from the vehicle)
fine take it i don't wanna be a garbage man anyway. i got my own stuff to do
(the crowd cheers, and the curtain closes on scene two)

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