Hello. Good evening, and welcome to the products page. None of the items pictured below were "tampered with".
These lovely blue clackers are available in the lobby for only $14.95...get 'em while they're still dangerous!

Because of the overwhelming lack of interest in this "Products" page, I've decided to add for sale, in addition to the exciting clackers you see above, an empty jar of green borsch-sorrel. useful for putting nails in (both of the finger and common wire variety) or even just as a charming keepsake to display grandma's ashes.
$6.95 or best offer; comes complete with twist off lid. Dandelion not included. Will accept trades.

here are two more products to turn your crank (as it were), and both of them are ripping albums by the man himself. yup, that's right...jesus. no i'm just kidding, it's dwdeclare...but i had you going...didn't i, shit-fer?
album #1
 all my best

album #2
(despite its chronological placement after the first album, this one in no way resembles anything that could be recognized as, or even smelling like, "number 2". i just wanted to clear that up right now before going any further...okay? now let's proceed without any more of your frivolous interruptions)
this beautiful stained glass saguaro handmade by dwdeclare is not for sale. i cannot bear to part with it.