Friday, December 31, 2010

What Would Julian Do?

Q: Do you see yourself… as some sort of messianic figure?

JA: Everyone would like to be a messianic figure without dying. We are bringing some important change about what is perceived to be the rights of people who expose abuses by powerful corporations and then to resist censorship attacks after the event. We are also changing the perception of the west. 
Q: You want to change the world?

JA: Absolutely. The world has a lot of problems and they need to be reformed. And we only live once. Every person who has some ability to do something about it, if they are a person of good character, has the duty to try and fix the problems in the environment which they're in.
That is a value, that, yes, comes partly from my temperament. There is also a value that comes from my father, which is that capable, generous men don't create victims, they try and save people from becoming victims. That is what they are tasked to do. If they do not do that they are not worthy of respect or they are not capable.
Right on brother! Not only do generous individuals try and save people from becoming victims, they also try and prevent nonhuman animals from being victimized by man's cruelty and/or ignorance. It's all about reducing the amount of suffering in the world, baby!

As Paul McCartney once said:
Hey Jules, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better...
and that's exactly what Julian Assange is attempting to do. He's taking a corrupt situation and trying to make it better by exposing the injustices and "fucking dishonest bullshit" (to quote the Judy Davis character in Woody Allen's Husbands and Wives) of those who hold a position of power.

To quote another movie, this one from Julian's homeland, Australia...Muriel's Wedding, "You can't stop progress." That's right, the progress of a more just and fair world through openness and transparency.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

What's The Difference Between Tom Hanks and Bear Shit?

A: One's a Forrest Gump, the other's a forest dump.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Number One Movie This Week

no real surprise that the number one movie at the box office this week is...

Order Is Intrinsically Unstable

"Cells must work just to maintain their complex structure, because order is intrinsically unstable" ~ Campbell Biology 6e

Why, oh why, couldn't we live in an effortless universe where order was stable and needed no work to be maintained...then we could all sleep in on Monday mornings!

Perhaps the second law of thermodynamics is misinterpreted however. Maybe what we call disorder and entropy is actually the universe's way of trying to create order out of disequilibrium...to distribute everything equally in an unjust universe where some have more than others.




I remember a quote from a book I had as a child called, "The Holy Bible According to Hogan's Heroes" that went, "A false balance is abomination to LARRY HOVIS: but a just weight is His delight." I never made the connection at the time, but "LARRY HOVIS" should be understood as all the physical laws that govern our universe...the one we happened to be born in. So in essence, the universe is trying to pull things back to a nice, calm, relaxed state...away from all the fussin' and a-feudin' that we refer to as, "order".

Good old Larry Hovis...nothing beats that!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Enos Landscape

To celebrate the 10th anniversary of his 1973 painting Penis Landscape, H.R. "Pufnstuf" Giger tried once again to stir up controversy in 1983 when he created an homage to his favorite prime time comedy program, The Dukes Of Hazzard, with his little known work, Enos Landscape. 
The painting was received with such indifference and apathy by the public that even the Dead Kennedys refused to include it as part of a video for their song, Goons Of Hazzard. The painting was however used by an auto parts manufacturer for a somewhat unpopular television ad campaign in 1984 in an effort to sell more dipsticks. The campaign failed and the company subsequently went bankrupt.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Elk Island Line

i found out something profound today. friend of mine, don't need to tell ya his name or nuthin'. "fella told me", he said, "sometimes you just gotta listen to lonnie donegan - rock island line....for all you alberta folk...once upon a time, that song were known as elk island line...established in 1913...long before since old rock island line."

"little known fact", i said.

well i'll be damned if that crazy old man didn't agree with me that time.

to be continued...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Joey Paddlepuss and The Impact Zones - Tombstoning

According to Shark Biscuit Magazine, the popular monthly surf periodical out of Santa Basura, California (who this year celebrated their 50th anniversary), their pick for the number one surf song of the past fifty years, as chosen by a panel of music critics, surf experts and fans alike, went to none other than Joey Paddlepuss and The Impact Zones, for their 1992 instrumental "Tombstoning".

No real surprise there. For when this song was released it spent an unprecedented 96 weeks on the coveted Turtle Roll Hot 100 charts for surf music, holding the number one spot for a record 19 weeks from September 7, 1992 to January 18, 1993. It also won the prestigious Bombora award in Australia in 2000 as the top surf song of the 20th century.

Mack Mullering Bobiewicz, the irreverent host of KSRF radio's daily "surf home" show (instead of "drive home" show), said of Tombstoning that, "Not only does this song best represent the wild surf here on Earth, but with the discovery of water on the Moon and the possibility of H2O on Enceladus and Europa, I can say with the highest confidence that this is the seminal surf song of the solar system."

So without further ado, here are Joey Paddlepuss and The Impact Zones with Tombstoning....HANG 11 DUDE!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Braque-ish Kobzas

stringed kobza
strung kobza

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Timely History Of My Briefs

from chapter 1

A well known underwear maker (some say it was Fruit of the Loom) once gave a pubic lecture on anatomy. They described how underwear fits into your drawer and how your drawer, in turn, is part of a vast collection of other drawers called a dresser. At the end of the lecture a naked man streaked onto the stage and proclaimed, "Divest yourself of the tyranny of briefs. Your laundry will instantly be cut in half". The underwear maker gave a superior smile before replying, "What shall cover up your nether regions?" "You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the streaker. "It's turtles all the way down!"



Saturday, December 11, 2010

About A Lugubrious Stare

hypo or hyper
a cloth for a diaper
he called for a fiddle or crab
a manatee eel
a malady feels
like picking a virulent scab

indigent waiter
the ironing made 'er
a slave to a reasoning bloke
but idling wankers
competing with bankers
put hair on a bicycle spoke

connecting a coddle
performing a dawdle
in snowy ridiculous climes
palladium theater
a popsicle peter
engaging american dimes

going in pieces
reciting a thesis
about a maniacal lad
another potato
on top a tomato
the one that made kennedy glad

the manna from heaven
at ten to eleven
had all of the biblical hits
with revels and shovels
they covered the bubbles
the camel's abundantly lit

apocryphal noodle
a pup and a poodle
were walking around in a daze
the greener the grass is
for jackie onassis
the more will it fuel the blaze

assumption is somethin'
to pump up a pumpkin
'cause halloween apples are gone
corona's a bonus
on you is the onus
to make it all right to be wrong

a little a lottle
the middle's a model
for how to react in a pinch
gargantuan girls
eat out with a whirl
but never remember to flinch

mechanical camera
corralling a llama
who got a bit outta the air
designing a nail
to hang up a tale
about a lugubrious stare

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Never Take A Cab In Las Vegas

Somewhere and sometime in Las Vegas.

PASSENGER:(hails a cab) Taxi!

(Cab pulls up beside the man. He opens up the backdoor and gets inside.)

CAB DRIVER: Where to pal?

PASSENGER: Circus Circus.

CAB DRIVER: (starts the meter and pulls away from the curb. after a few moments he asks...) Where does Steve Lawrence go to the bathroom?

PASSENGER: (somewhat taken aback) I don't know.

CAB DRIVER: On Eydie Gorme.

PASSENGER: (miffed that the driver would make such a rude and childish comment about, as it happens, two of his all time favorite performers, he replies...) That's not very nice.

CAB DRIVER: I know, he's a sick bastard. Where does Frank Sinatra go to the bathroom?

PASSENGER: (with sardonic irritation) On Eydie Gorme?

CAB DRIVER: Nope, on Steve Lawrence...in the backseat of this cab!

PASSENGER: (looks to the empty seat beside him and recoils in horror and disgust as he wishes he had walked to circus circus.)

The End.

The Fonz Says...




Yo, don't be a nerd, eat your spinach.
It's a cool source of vitamin...AYYY!


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dali's Jupiter

Animated Vasarely

keep your eyes focused on the central circle for about 30 seconds without blinking, then look straight up. if you've done it correctly, you should now be suffering permanent damage to your retina.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Big Jim Sports Camper





Never get into a Sports Camper alone with Big Jim...
I found that out the hard way!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Shattered Miro Constellation Paintings

Come, enter into the mysterious world of The Shattered Miro Constellation Paintings. What strange creations will we encounter on our journey as we stroll through this bizarre landscape of mirRoЯ images. From Sunrise to The Passage of The Divine Bird, we meet the playful Acrobatic Dancers one moment then suddenly without warning who should appear, but the sagacious Poetess. Then in a flash...LOOK!...we are drawn in an instant Toward The Rainbow. Fear not, as we are led on by fractured sounds and haunting dreamlike voices encouraging us to delve deeper and peer further into this realm of the absurd and bewildering. Are you ready? Then let the odyssey...






Friday, November 26, 2010

The Old Time Atheist Hour - Stickin' Jesus Up

Here is a lost clip from the American television variety show, "The Old Time Atheist Hour". A half hour program of country & western music and comedy which was canceled on the same day that it debuted during the spring of 1962, making it the longest running American atheist TV program to that time. The cast included such well known God-denying country artists as Slappy McGee and The All Star Atheist Jug Band, featuring Roy "Stumpy" Wagonears on triangle; and the incomparable Little Danny Stinky, who ironically and somewhat tragically years later, converted his car to run on hobos. This clip features the song stylings of Cracker Darrel (aka The Pittsburg Pagan), singing his classic hit "Stickin' Jesus Up".


Although this song never made the American Billboard charts, it did gain notoriety in Britain in early 1969 when it peaked at number 26 on the UK charts. It had achieved a certain infamy after it was performed by Jethro Tull, in front of a somewhat unruly and mostly intoxicated audience during a live 1968 Christmas Day broadcast of the much maligned Rolling Stones' BBC special, "Rock and Roll Farm Report and County Fair".

Jethro Tull performs Stickin' Jesus Up, Christmas Day 1968
on The Rolling Stones special, Rock and Roll Farm Report and County Fair.

This festive fiasco had the Rolling Stones dressed up as five Lincolnshire auctioneers in a county fair setting, with the musical acts being "rock auctioned" to a mock panel of record executives, who would then choose which song the bands would play. In an interview for Rubby-dub magazine in 1973, Bill Wyman referred to this Christmas Day catastrophe as, "One of the worst ideas the Rolling Stones ever had...a bigger disaster than Altamont."

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Message From Paul

As me fellow countryman Charles Darwin once said, "There is no fundamental difference between man and the higher mammals in their mental faculties...The lower animals, like man, manifestly feel pleasure and pain, happiness and misery." You said it Chuck, so let's all go veggie...YEA! And just to clarify, by lower, Charles Darwin did not mean inferior. He was referring to lower on the evolutionary tree of life, as in, they were here before we arrived on the scene. Remember, humans are a late comer to this planet...so let's not spoil the party.

All the Boys Came Rolling Home

i noticed a redneck pick up truck today with a camouflage "support our troops" ribbon on the back...but i couldn't see it. get it?...because it was camouflaged...oh never mind!

and incidentally, if you really "support the troops" as you claim to cowboy, you would demand vociferously to bring the abominable bastards home!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Paul McCartney - Theme From Good Times



Say McCartney?




Yes Lennon?




Do you know the theme from that show on American telly called Good Times?




Sure Johnny.




How does it go again?



Like this...




Fab!




Ta.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Ghost's Favorite Movie Stars

Q: Who is the ghost's favorite actor?
A: Steve Booscemi.

Q: Who is the ghost's favorite actress?
A: Oddly enough it's Jessica Lange.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Obese Jesus

Q: What did obese Jesus wear?

A: Waddling clothes.

Where Fonzie Goes To The Bathroom

Man in electric chair: So you already know where Fonzie goes to the bathroom, right?
       
            Executioner: Sure, on Potsie.

Man in electric chair: Correctamundo! But, do you know where Fonzie went to the bathroom during his stay
                                in Cambodia in the late '70s?
       
            Executioner: Hmm, I'm not sure.

Man in electric chair: On Pol Pot.
       
            Executioner: Ewww, gross!

Man in electric chair: It sure was...for the Fonz!...did you see what I did there?
       
            Executioner: Yea, I saw...now quit stalling.

Man in electric chair: Wait, wait...just one more!

             Executioner: Alright, one more.

Man in electric chair: Why did Anson Williams win a race against the leader of the Khmer Rouge?

             Executioner: I don't know...why?

Man in electric chair: Because he had the Pol(e) Potsie position.

             Executioner: Oh man that's it. I wasn't going to kill you but now I definitely am!

Man in electric chair: Daannggg.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Amino Acid Song

as i was reading through campbell biology 6th edition at work today (don't tell my boss i spend most of my time at work reading...okay?...we got a deal here?), i came upon the section introducing the 20 amino acids, divided into nonpolar, polar, and electrically charged. in order to remember them all i thought i would write a nutty little mnemonic poem...so here it is:

methionine and tryptophan
and phenylalanine.
isoleucine, glycine then
there's valine, alanine...


...these are all nonpolar, man
and proline is as well.
there's another that i'll add,
it's leucine, 'aint it swell?



glutamine and threonine
and cysteine, tyrosine...
these are polar, serine too
as well asparagine.


now we'll see which ones are charged
electrically for you.
glutamic acid is a one
aspartic acid two.




arginine and histidine
are basic; am i wrong?
as is lysine now we're done
the amino acid song.



...and so here is the actual song. it didn't have to be this melody but i figured...what the hell, i can't really sing anyway so i'll just do something basic (as opposed to acidic).


humans can make about half of the 20 amino acids in proteins. the rest are essential amino acids (those which our cells cannot synthesize) that must be obtained from dietary sources.

the following is a list of the essential amino acids:

methionine
valine
threonine
phenylalanine
leucine
isoleucine
tryptophan
lysine

corn (and other grains) have the first six; beans (and other legumes) have all of them except for methionine.
therefore, a well balanced diet of fruits and vegetables that includes grains and legumes, will give a person all the essential amino acids they need. which of course means, all the protein they need.

look ma...no meat!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Bill C-311 Voted Down

In voting down Bill C-311 (The Climate Change Accountability Act), which sought to bring greenhouse gas emissions 25% below 1990 levels by 2020 and 80% below 1990 levels by 2050, the Canadian federal government under Prime Minister Stephen Harper is saying not only to the Canadian people but to the world that it is okay to pollute and destroy the environment as long as it makes money for the already obesely rich! Is this a good example to set for our children or to the rest of the world, that greed and thoughtless selfishness outweigh any moral responsibility we have to all other beings who share the planet with us now? And what of all those who will come after us? Do we not have an obligation to them to see to it that we don't leave the world in a more polluted and wretched condition than it already is in?

A Phospholipid Beatle Riddle...And More

(The year is '68 or 9, with John and Paul both feeling fine. They've supped a little think or two, let's join them...NOW!...and see what's new...)



 Say Paul?






Yea John?






Why don't you write a song about a phospholipid droplet?






Em, what'll I call it then John?





Micelle (ma belle).






What, you mean one of these then?


















The very same.






Gear!




(later that same day)



Heya John?




Yea Paul?




After listening to the album you did with Yoko where you both shout and squeal and make an all 'round silly racket, I reckon I know what you should call it now.




Oh aye, and what's that then?






Shite!




You better run for your life mate!




(as John chases him, Paul runs away screaming...)



I've got a feeling I should have known better!