10 Confusing Simon Cowell Remarks

10 confusing simon cowell remarks to contestants on american idol (in no particular order):

1 your performance was like a kamikaze pilot walking into a dark room with a potato in one hand and a large rolling pin in the other twirling to the tune of hogan's heros...it was horrendous

2 i think what paula is trying to say is that it was like sonny bono on the love boat playing shuffleboard with zsa zsa gabor and getting beaten badly...very amateurish

3 it reminded me of a dwarf climbing to the top of the crows nest aboard the hms beagle doing his impersonation of axl rose...i thought it was very karaoke

4 to me it was like a massive cumulonimbus cloud raining sulfuric acid onto a bust of the shah of iran with madagascan lemurs all standing around reading from the book of job...i didn't like it at all

5 what it reminded me of was a seventy year old wheat farmer square dancing with a typewriter in the middle of a crowded theater with no exits while elmer fudd in drag serves stale crisps at the concession stand...it was a bit too cabaret

6 i have to disagree with randy on this one. i thought that your performance was more like a robot who had been beaten up by rocky balboa and is now working part time as a door to door pencil salesman...you can do much better

7 do you know what it reminded me of? it was like one of those things you see hanging from the ceiling of a medieval dungeon with a little note on it saying "see you on the flip side"...i thought it was very old fashioned

8 okay look, if i'm being honest, the problem with that was you came here looking more like herve villichez in a nightdress thumbing through the yellow pages attempting to locate a twenty-four hour plumber while standing on what appears to be a pile of broken glass...remember this is a singing competition

9 i'm not being rude but that was like a clown riding in the back of a speeding lorry with a flat tire on his way to a convention of estate agents all looking like they would rather be floating in a pool of liquid methane....i thought it was very boring

10 what this was like was when you feel that you've forgotten someone's name you go out to hail a cab in the pouring rain wearing a tea cozy for a hat while prancing like some member of the roman senate reciting his laundry list...i don't know who you are