happy holidays

well it's that time of year again. time to break out the pajamas and fill your undershorts with confetti. it's quite unfortunate that this holiday only comes once a week, why i wish every day could be slobberday. yes slobberday, it's the happiest day of week, well next to friday, although some people really enjoy sundays. i don't. i think sundays should be moved to thursdays and thursdays could then become wednesdays. in fact all the days of the week ought to be shuffled around every once in a while to keep people on their toes, i think thomas jefferson said that.

speaking of the jeffersons, did you ever see the one where wheezy went on a diet of mustard and ruined george's favorite tie by being so hungry and confused that she spread mustard all over it and tried to eat it. i think that was probably my favorite episode. or the one where lionel and jenny decide to stage a protest against dry cleaning solvents being used to add bulk to mustard, that was a good one. i wonder why so many episodes of the jefferson's revolved around mustard. norman lear sure had a lot of good ideas except for that one show that never made it past the pilot, why i remember it like it was just......

A pappy in the family by norman lear

pappy: hey all i'm home
big louie: hey pappy how was your day
pappy: ah geez look at this big louie asking questions again. why don't you stick to what you know best...Nothin'
big louie: hey c'mon pappy that aint fair, why i know plenty
pappy: yea like what
big louie: like i know why you aint got your lunch box with you
pappy: and whys that
big louie: cause i seen smelly ernie today at long tony's and he told me that you was down at the happy rowboat
eating your lunch when all of a sudden a mugger came up and stole your lunch box
pappy: ahh smelly ernie went and yapped on about dat dere ting like dat dis here
big louie: yea and then he said that you went after the mugger and clubbed him one over the head with a rock and killed him
pappy: well let me say this about that (crowd cheers) i aint never gonna give no mugger a hoot n holler about no gaddamn crapoo. muggers in this city are as good as a ghost on easter sunday
big louie: you mean risen from the dead and goin' off to somewheres else
pappy: no i mean hiding in chocolate eggs and giving ya gas when you try to digest them (crowd moans)
big louie: say pappy you oughtn't say things like that about muggers
pappy: why the hell not dere dis here.
big louie: cause it aint nice
pappy: ahh geez

the end

too bad cbs never picked that one up