Saturday, July 17, 2010
last night i was drinking some rum and decided to take some mushrooms that were given to me. there were a few big stems, maybe four or five, and some smaller pieces so i ate it all. it took maybe about 1/2 hour for the effects to start which began with a shelf full of cd's getting wavy. i was just sitting downstairs at my computer listening to music and the weirdest thing was listening to the beach boys and the music would slow down, then speed up, then go backwards and i thought how can this be happening. i felt like a fly experiencing events on a different time scale. words of the songs were getting blended and mixed and transposed. i had a garbage can full of kleenex and it looked like it was full of huge airy, light and sparkly diamonds. i kept experiencing the same events over and over like i was going back in time and reliving it; or was i, i thought, going forward in time and living the events before they actually happened and then only later experiencing them. i just wasn't sure. time did not feel linear. whenever i felt afraid about what was going on, my rational side would remind myself that it was just the psilocybin in the mushrooms making me feel this way and to simply keep tripping and try to make things as pleasant as i could with the music and images around me. when i was listening to the lovin' spoonful the media player on my computer was melting on top and kind of furry with tiny flames. it was so beautifully colorful and psychedelic and was floating there three dimensionally in front of the wallpaper of canyonlands. it was like i could just dive into the screen and be there with it. when i brought up the "my documents" folder it was convexly curved from bottom to top and popping out at me. the air around me was full of colorful lines and moving shapes just like some animated kandinsky painting.
all of this was my little secret and i was experiencing it in exactly the way i imagined it would be. even though there were unexpected surprises of hallucinations i did not expect to experience, it was all quite typical, i thought, that i should be experiencing them in the manner i was and just kept floating like i was on a psychedelic salt lake.
then i started to think about my girlfriend and our relationship and cried like a really deep, dripping, face elongating cry. combine pablo picasso's "weeping woman"...
with edvard munch's "the scream"...
and that's what it felt like. whatever happened between us i thought didn't matter, there was nothing that she could do that would make me stop being her friend and it felt good not to have any hangups about wanting to control another person and what they wanted to do. in the meantime the music was still playing and all around me the table and desk, my guitar and all the furniture was bulging and blending.
my hand and arm movements were leaving wonderful, colorful trails in the air. it was like that scene in the movie "taking woodstock" where the guy takes acid in the van. you think that it's not really like that but that's exactly what it's like and you are experiencing it for real.
the word "fucking" seemed to be a great explanatory word to describe the moment, as in, "this is fucking exactly what it is fucking like". you are aware of what is happening and you are just along for the ride. there were moments when i thought that i might still be on the highway driving home and i had fallen asleep at the wheel and i might be in a coma or something and how would i know if i were...but i thought there are so many shitty things that are happening in the world and right now was beautiful and wonderful so i just went with it. the thing was, i didn't want anyone to feel sad for me, because i was in a place where i was peaceful and happy. listening to music is the weirdest, how the sounds can become backwards and bubble and blend like some iridescent soap bubbles. for me, the mushrooms to kick in was a gradual process but when it ended it was almost immediate, there was no slow, lingering process of coming down. it was like it just stopped and was over like some kind of psychedelic amusement park ride where it was now time to get off. it was a wonderful, colorful, cartoony experience. it was great to giggle and laugh and cry and feel deep, visceral emotions but the visual and auditory bubbling, time repetition, melting and sharp colorful lines in the air were the best part of the trip....and the shiny, diamondy garbage can full of kleenex was wild.
Egested by dwdeclare at 5:15 PM